TOP 10: ULTIMATE BREAKUP SONGS
- Feb 16, 2017
- 6 min read
After recently having my heart ripped out and flushed down the fuckin’ pan I feel qualified to write a little para or ten on songs that can help you a.) wallow in a hideous state of self pity, or b.) get you hyped and back on the ol’ horse after being ‘dumped’. For me, a mixture of both has helped me come through the other side relatively normal (on top of a fair amount of alcohol consumption and none stop talking about it with friends). So, I’m going to share with you readers the top 10 songs that helped me, and may one day, help some of you brothers and sisters out.
10.) SLIDE AWAY – OASIS (Chicago 98’ Acoustic): So this little number was one of the first tracks I turned to post ‘I’m sorry it just isn’t the same anymore - ta ta’. For me it is a track that showed Oasis as something more than a ‘lets fuckin ave it’ balls to the wall rock n roll band. Fair enough this version I’ve chosen is just Noel strumming on a guitar and not full blown Oasis, but he turns a stadium filling rock song into a heart wrenching love song stuffed full of emotion. And that end bit where he bellows ‘SLIDE AWAY’ and the crowd starts to roar just makes the old hairs on the back of my neck stand, just like she used to make my erection stand.
9.) ON HOLD – THE XX: In the days following my being binned off for someone better, The XX released their first record since ’12 season. I picked it up despite not being the biggest fan of them and FUCK am I glad I did. Purchasing the record led me to discover this emotional little piece. The opening lyrics are very relevant to our situation ‘every time I let you leave, I always saw you coming back to me’ which she hasn’t. I interpreted the lyrics to this track as bird-leaving-boy for his shit behaviour, and its backed by a lovely little electronic drum beat and vocal sample that is sure to bring back memories of those ‘good times’.
8.) KNOCKED UP – KINGS OF LEON: This for me is one of KOL’s best ever songs and at over 7 minutes long you can probably drop off to it after a big crying sesh without being woken by shuffle putting on something like AVVICI - Levels and completely destroying the self-pitying wallow you were kind of enjoying. That haunting guitar sound and the constant bass line is sure to send you to some place better than the pain in your chest is currently taking you.
7.) SWINE – THE BLINDERS: Right, you’ve had your cry, you’ve sat in your heartbroken slumber, you’ve called in sick to work, it’s finally time to bring the mood up son. Open those curtains have a shower and turn the vol up. This is a hard hitting punk banger that’ll make you want to pop on over to her new boys house and take him out with a pair of brass knuckles. Of course I’m joking, but for me it did get the adrenaline pumping and take my mind of her gob round his shaft.
6.) BULLS ON PARADE – RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE: You know what’s nice about this one? For once we have a band that isn’t singing about women and heartbreak. These guys had more to worry about than some Shelia defecating on your heart, these guys wanted a whole generation to take note of the fucked up political agendas that were being stowed upon them. Legit stick this number on and go squat 900,000 Kg’s that should help you shake the break a tad.
5.) GREEN ONIONS – BOOKER T AND THE M.G.’s: See me and the ex-MRS used to go to Brighton a lot, so to evoke those memories of eating rock on the Pier I put the classic ‘Quadrophenia’ on. However, it had the opposite effect of bringing back memories of me and her walking along the beach. There’s a scene where the Mods are partying on drugs and alcohol to this track and I thought ‘shit I should be doing that on a Friday night not going to cuntin’ Pizza Express with a girl that hates me’. So, I downloaded this one, turned it up and danced on me own pretending I was about to ‘kick the fuck out the rockers on Brighton sea front’. Might sound cringe but it shittin’ well helped.
4.) SPIT IT OUT – SLAVES: We’re about 2 weeks into single life now, you’re bang on the wanking and the reality of spending Feb 14th is sinking in. You need someone to grab you by the collar and scream into your face, get the blood flowing, wake up the shell you’ve become up. There's a variety of ways you can achieve this, like shitting in your neighbour’s plant pot or stepping on some hood-rats white Nikes whilst in the queue at Spoons, or, you stick a Slaves record on. To be fair near enough any Slaves song will shake you out of the shell-shocked state you’re in, I’ve gone for Spit it Out for the line ‘Pull yourself together boy you’re only 23’ as for me, this is relevant.
3.) ROCK & ROLL QUEEN – THE SUBWAYS: Personally I found this one helps when you’re almost through to the other side of the godforsaken tunnel. At this point you might think you’re fine but old brainy will no doubt chuck up some scenario which brings back the initial devastation you thought you were over. But we’ve done our grieving, this is no time for a relapse solider! Stick the wick up on this tune, beat your chest and believe that you will finger a bird again!
2.) BERLIN SONG – LUDOVICO EINAUDI: "This is the ROCKWOLF", I hear you shout….. the fuck is a bit of classical piano doing anywhere remotely near this site? Alright, slow the fuck down; the chords on this little piano piece are enough to make even the cheekiest of the cheeky Nandos lads shed a tear in front of the boys. It is pure let’s have a fucking cry about the past fodder, 100% sure to bring back nostalgic memories such as the first time you picked her up in your V reg Vauxhall Corsa. Warning on this one though, don’t go near if the wounds are still fresh, it’s enough to send anyone over the edge.
1.) RED LIGHTS INDICATES DOORS ARE SECURE – ARCTIC MONKEYS: Here we go boy’s and girl’s, we’ve reached the end of our glorious journey together. I hope my wise words have soothed your aching heart from its pit of turmoil. If, however, this article has had no impact on your un-repairable heart then come find me hanging around outside any London Tube Station. I’ll be flogging black market pain killers to anyone that’s just been kicked to the curb, lookout for the seedy geezer with a long black coat on, easily mistaken for a serial flasher. Alas though, together we made it, finally escaping the evil abyss of upset and slamming the door firmly in it's face. Cue chirpy, upbeat, boisterous tune to get us all riled up for a night out with the ladz (or galz). It has to be Arctic Monkeys right? This one is perfect…… hop in the shower, scrub you balls (avoid the mint shower gel, we all know what happens when that’s applied), put on your best gladrags, cake yourself in Paco Rabanne’s finest and start necking the poison. Turn this bad boy up as loud as it will possibly go, open a window and dance around in your sweat infested bedroom whilst waiting for the cab. Go on, just immerse yourself in its mischievous, cheeky chappy, wonderment. ‘you see her with the green dress’…… that’s it mate, target located don’t let the Smirnoff Ice wielding twat at the bar, slide in with his Tropical Reef and take your kill. Not on your watch, It’s hunting season and this is your time to shine!
SO there you have it. My TOP 10 tracks to help with the pain of being dumped. Put this playlist on repeat, join the gym, get a haircut and get back on the horse. PEACE x
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